and Martha were happily married for nearly forty years. The
only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's
habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The
noise would always wake up Martha and the smell would cause
her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly
every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one
in the morning. Herman told her that he couldn't help it.
begged him to visit a doctor to see if anything could be done,
but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was
just a natural bodily function, and then he would laugh in
her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands.
She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if
he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."
The years went by and Martha continued to suffer and Herman
continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out"
until one Christmas morning. Before dawn, Martha went downstairs
to prepare the family feast. She fixed Christmas pudding,
mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was
taking out the turkeys innards, a thought occurred to the
wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem.
With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts
into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent
husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she
pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's
jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into
her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers
and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family
Several hours later she heard Herman awake with his normal
loud ass trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling
scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran
to the upstairs bathroom. Martha could not control herself
and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing.
After years of putting up with him she had finally gotten
About twenty minutes later, Herman came downstairs in his
blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes.
She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what
was the matter.
"Honey," he said. "You were right - all those years you warned
me and I didn't listen to you."
do you mean?" asked Martha.
you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out
one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the
grace of God and these two fingers, I think I got them all